The Age of Manipulation

I was walking the dog in the park a few weeks ago, and I saw a family having a sad little moment in the parking lot. It became clear that the issue was the dad (or I assume) was leaving in a different car and the mom and two kids in another. People-watching from yards away, I could have the wrong scenario. It might have been the dad was just going somewhere else and would meet the family later, but I think it was a divorce or separated situation.

There was not a lot of eye contact between the adults; the older child quietly got in the car, and the younger boy (maybe 5-6) was crying and wailing. Again, I could be making false assumptions, but the crying was that sort of dry, over-emphasized diaphragmatic cry that kids do when they are upset but want to be MORE upset. And it worked to some extent, he got attention and hugs; the dad came back from his truck to say goodbye twice. The mom looked upset and I could envision McFlurries in their future. At a very tender age, this child learned how to use guilt as an effective weapon.

How old were you when you realized you could manipulate those around you -- maybe not all the time and maybe not exactly how you hoped -- but you can at least mix things up a bit. Kids do it with crocodile tears and siren wails; adults do it with distant stares, sudden outbursts, crypic accusations, or terse monosyllabic replies.

Why do we do it? Well, it works. If it didn't work, we wouldn't do it.

And as with most bad habits, we have casual users and chronic abusers. All things in moderation, as the saying goes. When does emotional blackmail become a problem? Maybe when it's your only tool? Or at least a tool you use so often its handle has become smooth and worn...

This is more than human nature --- cats and dogs do it too. We've all seen the baleful stare from man's best friend...a little drool and hot breath, and suddenly Fido has a bone. Have you awakened at 4am to the cat who is able walk across cotton candy without leaving footprints, but suddenly knocks every bottle off the vanity to remind you she's hungry?

Animals (4-legged or 2-legged) know how to get your attention...even if it doesn't always get us what we want.